Paid for by capybaras, for capybaras — satire, not advice

Chief Capy is running
the pond.

The most tremendous, huge, absolutely winning capybara in meme coin history. Nobody trades bigger. Nobody naps better. Believe me.

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CA
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Chief Capy, official portrait
LIVE FROM THE POND — OFFICIAL RESIDENCE
The Official Agenda

A platform built on huge, tremendous promises.

Chief Capy's policy positions, ranked from "will definitely happen" to "already happened, ask anyone."

Bigly Charts Policy

Every chart under Chief Capy's leadership only goes up. If it goes down, that's a "temporary strategic dip," not a crash.

— Executive Order #1

Naptime Diplomacy

All world conflicts will be resolved during Chief Capy's 4pm nap. Results pending. Have always been pending.

— Executive Order #2

Corn Reserve Act

Strategic national corn reserves, guaranteed. Nobody has ever had more corn. Tremendous corn. The best corn.

— Executive Order #3

Border Security (Pond Edge)

Zero unauthorized ducks allowed past the lily pads. Total control of the shoreline. Total.

— Executive Order #4

Tariffs on Bad Vibes

A 200% tariff on anyone who paper-hands. Revenue funds the Corn Reserve. Everybody wins. Mostly Chief Capy.

— Executive Order #5

Unity Through Chill

Bulls, bears, and paper hands alike, all welcome in the pond. Chief Capy doesn't discriminate. He just doesn't care.

— Executive Order #6
Live Promise Tracker

The situation with Iran is basically resolved. It has been for a while.

Conflict With Iran — Resolution ETA
any day now
"We're very close. Extremely close. Nobody's ever been this close."— Chief Capy, moments ago
Times "a deal" was announced0
Times it was called "handled"0
Actual conflicts resolved0
Naps taken instead of talks0
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Live on Solana via pump.fun. No presale, no cabinet positions for sale, just a capybara and a chart.

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Straight From the Podium

Certified Chief Capy quotes.

One-liners from official press briefings. Steal one for your timeline.